Growing up

In four months I will be 20 and Melody will be 2. It totally freaks me out. Like every time I think about it I have little anxiety attacks. It feels like every things happening too fast and I don't know what to do. I can't be 20 yet, I am so not ready to grow up. Well I don't know, I already feel "grown up" I guess it is mostly the age that scares me. I've never wanted to get older and now Melody is getting older too. I mean she is  full fledged toddler! I absolutely loved the baby years and I'm really enjoying the toddler years but I have no idea how to handle a child.
Now if you don't know me in real life you won't know how socially awkward I am. I hate big groups of people, I'm terrible at small talk, and I have a near impossible time making friends. I don't mind having my handful of friends, though it is much harder that all but one are in college in different cities... I must admit it does get pretty lonely. I guess that scares me too; growing up and not really having anyone. I don't want to go through life alone.


“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”