So here I am

So I have been gone for the longest time. i really didn't think I'd be back but I think blogging is kind of good for me, it at least lets me release everything. While I've been gone I got engaged, went to Africa, turned 21, and became a preschool teacher. A lot has gone on. But it's whats happening recently that made me want to come back.

 My soon to be father in law has cancer. Really really bad cancer (like theres a good kind anyway.) But everything is up in the air right now, no one is too optimistic but we're hoping God will make a miracle happen. Due to this we are postponing the wedding, which of course broke my heart. It's only 3 months away and everything is taken care of and paid for. But it's very important for his dad to make it and enjoy himself.

So I'm trying to be understanding, though I want to just go to the jp and get the paper signed. I need my husband and I need to be a wife. I need a family. Now I'm getting worried it won't ever happen though, I know if we can make it through this we can make it through anything. I just have no way to relate so I don't know how to be there for him, trust me I am trying. But, he is also isolating himself and pushing me away. I just feel so lost, there's nothing I can do. I keep thinking if we just get married everything will be okay but I also now I can't push that subject. All of this is taking such an emotional toll on him, which is what's worrying me. I'm worried he'll decide that it's just all too much and ask me to leave, permanently.

Prayers, words of encouragement, or anything at all is appreciated.